Welcome to another TOTP repeat. We are in July 1985 currently and the event of the decade is just two days away now. Yes, this show was broadcast on the Thursday night before Live Aid on Saturday 13th July. It’s hard to express to people who weren’t around at the time how tremendously exciting this happening was. A 16 hour marathon show featuring 75 of the world’s top pop and rock acts! Yes please! This was massive!
As the big day approached no doubt I would have settled down in front of the family TV at 7.30 on the Thursday night to catch some of the UK’s best selling tunes to get me in the mood for this amazing experience…and my God what a let down it must have been. Throughout the whole of the decade, has there ever been a worst collection of songs to feature in one TOTP programme? I’m pretty damned sure that the studio must have needed fumigating after this lot stank the place out.
Leading us through this cortège of shit are John Peel and Janice Long who surprisingly don’t appear to be wearing clothes pegs on their noses to protect them from the foul stench of this pop crud. Can we get away with just skipping this entire broadcast? No – if I have to endure it then so do you….
First up are an act I had completely obliterated from my memory so bad were they. This is The Conway Brothers with “Turn It Up”. Who? You do right to ask so forgettable were this R’n’B band of brothers from Chicago. These losers took this improbable hit all the way to No 11. Equally improbably, one of them was called Hiawatha (no really). The song is completely unremarkable and the brothers themselves don’t help with their dazzling white outfits and very loosely choreographed moves. They look like they can’t believe their luck that they have chanced their way onto the UK’s prime time pop music show. And that “Young man can you pleeeeease turn that up” line is hateful.
More dazzling all white threads on view next with Eurythmics and “There Must Be An Angel (Playing With My Heart)”. What’s that? I said that this programme was full of shit songs so how do I account for this one? OK – this isn’t shit. I would never describe Annie and Dave as such. This is the shining bit of quality on the show that makes all the others acts seem even worse. Having said that, this is by far not the band’s best moment in my book although it is their most commercially successful. Their first and so far only No 1, this was the second track to be released as a single from their fifth studio album “Be Yourself tonight”. Now don’t get me wrong it’s a good pop song but it is very definitely mainstream and possibly their least cutting edge moment ever. The media immediately proclaimed it as a future No 1 on its release and they were right. Annie’s vocal is certainly joyful and Stevie Wonder’s harmonica (yes we all know it’s Stevie playing and not Annie) works well but for me they have done lots of better songs.
I used it to soundtrack part of a farewell video that I made for a colleague who was retiring a few years back and it worked really well so maybe the song has more going for it than I give it credit for.
Talking of Live Aid as we were, the wonderful @TOTPFacts tells us this on the subject:
So now you know…
Back to the crap now with Opus and “Live Is Life”. Man this is so bad. Everything about this atrocity reeks of the unspeakably awful. The song is hideous, the band’s clothes are dreadful and they all look like German porn stars. Enough! Be gone!
Is there any solace to be found in the Breakers? Well, first up is the vile Russ Abbot with “All Night Holiday” -does that answer your question?! Yes, somehow this musical monstrosity managed not one but two hit singles. How on earth did we allow this to happen?! Surely the vile “Atmosphere” should have been enough of a warning to the UK public not to fall for this nonsense ever again but here he is with an exact replica of said slice of shit that would go all the way to No 20 in the charts. I can’t find the no doubt hilarious video online anywhere so here is Russ in the TOTP studio instead. Bellend.
Oh come on….seriously? The next breaker is Steve Arrington with “Dancing In The Key Of Life”. You may remember that I hated this guy’s first single “Feel So Real” and this follow up was just more of the same bullshit in my opinion. In fact, never mind me accusing Russ Abbot of releasing the same song twice just under a different title, Stevie boy just pulls the same trick with this one. It’s almost exactly the same as “Feel So Real”. Talk about being duped!
OK – so this one isn’t all bad. This is Jaki Graham breaking out on her own with “Round And Round”. Yes, she’s ditched David Grant for this single and would do just fine thank you very much cracking the Top 10 once again. It’s a radio-friendly slice of soul-pop and still stands up pretty well today I think.
Into the Top 10 we go then. Hold onto your hats….
10. Eurythmics – “There Must Be An Angel (Playing With My Heart): Jumping a massive 27 places (not 10 Janice!) , it will be No 1 within a fortnight albeit just for a solitary week.
9. Mai Tai – “History”: What?! This is No 9 again?! There was something spooky going on with the space time continuum back in Summer 1985.
8. Fine Young Cannibals – “Johnny Come Home”: All those TOTP apperances have done the trick sending this Top 10 but No 8 would be its peak.
7. Denise LaSalle – ” My Toot Toot”: Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse there’s this shocking nonsense. This is just about a novelty record despite being a zydeco standard recorded originally by Rockin’ Sidney. Listening back to it now it puts me in mind of that other crime against music “Achy Breaky Heart” by Billy Ray Cyrus. Denise has gone for a Tina Turner tribute act look which only makes it seem even more like a novelty record. Sadly Denise died earlier this year at the age of 78.
6. Marti Webb – “Ben”: Still racking up decent sales.
5. Bruce Springsteen – “I’m On Fire / Born In The USA”: Wouldn’t it have been great if they could have got ‘The Boss’ into the TOTP studio just once around this period….
4. Kool and the Gang – “Cherish”: Yet another dreadful song! Bah!
3. Madonna – “Crazy For You”: Madonna mania still in full effect.
2. Harold Faltermeyer – “Axel F”: Not faltering just yet it’s Harold.
1. Sister Sledge – “Frankie”: And rounding us off, the perfect No 1 for this long night of shite, the hateful “Frankie”!
The play out music is Animal Nightlife with “Love is Just the Great Pretender”. Emerging from that British cool jazz movement that also brought us Sade, this lot had already been in the charts the previous year with “Mr Solitaire” and I didn’t mind them to be honest.
So we made it! Eveyone OK? Not scarred for (Live Is) life? See you next time? Cool.
For posterity’s sake, I include the chart run down below:
| Order of appearance | Artist | Song | Did I Buy it? |
|
1 | The Conway Brothers | Turn It Up | Turn it off more like! NO! |
|
2 | Eurythmics | There Must Be An Angel (Playing With My Heart) | Not the single but I have it on a CD somewhere no doubt |
|
3 | Opus | Live Is Life | Or ‘Shite is shit’ as I like to call it – NO! |
|
4 | Russ Abbot | All Night Holiday | Away with you! |
|
5 | Steve Arrington | Dancing In The Key Of Life | Dancing in a sea of shite more like. NO! |
|
6 | Jaki Graham | Round And Round | Nice enough song but no |
|
7 | Eurythmics | There Must Be An Angel (Playing With My Heart) | See 2 above |
|
8 | Mai Tai | History | It was OK but not purchase worthy |
|
9 | Fine Young Cannibals | Johnny Come Home | No but I have the album on CD |
|
10 | Dense LaSalle | My Toot Toot | Just horrendous. No chance! |
|
11 | Marti Webb | Ben | No |
|
12 | Bruce Springsteen | I’m On Fire / Born In The USA | No but I have the “Born in the USA” LP |
|
13 | Kool and the Gang | Cherish | Just awful. No |
|
14 | Madonna | Crazy For You | No but it’s on my “Immaculate Collection” CD |
|
15 | Harold Faltermeyer | Axel F | Hell no |
|
16 | Sister Sledge | Frankie | Bleeeeuuugh! Does that answer your question? |
|
17 | Animal Nightlife | Love Is Just The Great Pretender | Nope |
Disclaimer
OK – here’s the thing – the TOTP episodes are only available on iPlayer for a limited amount of time so the link to the programme below only works for about another month so you’ll have to work fast if you really want to see this bucket full of shit songs as I can’t find the full programme on YouTube.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b09wgttc/top-of-the-pops-11071985
I make no claim to the rights of this show and all ownership and contents including logos and graphics belongs totally to the BBC or copyright holder(s).
All opinions on the music and artists featured are my own. Sorry if you don’t agree.
Some bed time reading?
http://likepunkneverhappened.blogspot.com/2015/07/the-show-must-go-on.html
TOTP Rewind - the 80s 